My new blog entry in 2009.

As usual, in the beginning of a year, I always make a New Year resolution. My last year resolutions is not completely fulfill .
Still have several resolutions that need to work with.

In the beginning of the year, I want to write down 2 things. First are my New Year resolutions…. Yipeee… and the second is my Lasik surgery experience.

My new year resolutions are listed below:

1. More diligent and serious to study my PhD. Want to finish my PhD as soon as possible.
2. Find a new love. The last time I had a relationship with someone was about 5 years ago. So its time for me to fall in love again ;)
3. More caring to my parents and family. They all my greatest support. I will always feel grateful to them.
4. Enjoying life. Even thought I will work hard to finish my PhD, I also want to enjoy the journey .. my journey of life.
5. More generous. I admit sometime I still stingy. Hopefully I can be more generous in this coming year
6. GO AROUND THE WORLD…….. my greatest dream of all………………..

That’s my resolutions. And another thing, I will join fitness (for pilates, yoga, and cardio dance). I really think I need to exercise more.

Now, lets go on to thing number 2.

I just had a Lasik surgery. At first, I would like to do the surgery in JB (Johor Bahru), Malaysia because it’s cheaper. I went to JB to do the pre-Lasik evaluation on 24 Dec 2008. After series of examinations (I had to be examined by 5 different devices and manual check of eyes power, the examination also made my eyes blurry), they said that my cornea thickness is not enough to do intralase Lasik, so they offer me to other procedure named LASEK. LASEK is similar to Lasik but instead of making flap, it use alcohol to cut your cornea a little bit. The LASEK recovery is much much longer then Lasik.

After lot of consideration, I decided to do another pre-Lasik examination in Singapore. Luckily both pre-Lasik examination (in Johor Bahru and Singapore) were free. I do the pre-Lasik examination in 30 Dec 2008. In Singapore, the doctor said he can do intralase Lasik and it is possible to do the surgery at that day too. So, after talking to the marketing staff in order to get a discount, I decided to have the surgery at that day (at 7.30 pm). I also called my friend to come and pick me up after the surgery because after the surgery I would feel blurry and teary.

So, I did the surgery on 30 Dec 2008. The surgery it self only took about 10-15 minutes for every eye. But before that, there were several preparations that need to be done. I changed cloth to hospital cloth, wore head cap and foot cap. Then, I went to operation room. In that room, the Doctor made a flap in my eyes and did the Lasik procedure. I didn’t lost conscious during the surgery. I knew what the doctor do to my eyes, even thought I didn’t feel pain. But when they fire the laser, I smelled that like something burning. Yes, my eyes burning because of the laser. :P

After the surgery, they asked me to take a little rest and cover my eyes with eyes lid and drop antibiotic eye drop every hours during the first day of the surgery. I rested a while, my eyes started to hurt a little. I felt very blurry and teary. I felt like all I want to do is crying. They told me to take the sleeping pill to help me sleep that night and the next morning the teary feeling would go. And I did what they told me to do and turn out its works. The next morning when I woke up, I didn’t feel teary again. But my eyes feel a little bit dry. So I had to drop several freshness eye drops.

I went to the doctor the next morning to do the first examination after the surgery. The doctor said the surgery was going well and my astigmatic is gone and my power is -0.25 (both left and right eyes). But that result would still be fluctuated in the next 2 weeks to 2 months. My next examination will be held on 16 Jan 2009. Until that time, I would have to use the antibiotic eye drops 4 times a day for 10 days and freshness eye drops when ever my eyes dry. And my eyes are a little bit red too. But the doctor said, the red will recover in the next 2 weeks.

So right now, I still use antibiotic and freshness eye drop from time to time. My eyes still red so I need to wear sun glasses. But hopefully in the next 2 weeks, I wont be needing those things ………………………..


………………………………..

Choices in Life

We are forced to make choices everyday.
From the very early morning until the late night.
We have to make choices.
In the morning, we make choices whether to continue sleep or wake up and go to work/study
(I also choose to continue sleep :P… not a good habit)

After we woke up, we have to make choices in what to eat, what do wore, when to take a bath, when to eat, etc…
Life is about making choices.
And some choices will change our life forever.
And because life is reality without eraser, our choices in the past are what make us who we are today. And our choices in present moments will make who we are in the future.

Have you ever regret the choices that you make in the past??
Well sometime I do.
If things are not going well, sometime I regret the choices that I make.
But when I think it over, that choices are what bring me here today.
And I should be grateful to be able to make those choices.

So, let make choices that we won’t regret…
If it is a big decision that will change your life, let’s analyze the choices
And make the decision before the choices is run out…

Could I have the chance to meet you again



What happen with me?
Cry in the middle of the night?
Is it because I am lonely?
Is it because I regret things that I have done?

I have give up several loves that come to me
And now, when I need someone on my side, I just can not find one

Where did the love go?
Is four years not enough to finally fall in love again?
Or will I keep remembering those old days?

Is it okay to let my self fall in love again?
Or will it just end the same way like before?
Will I find someone that as well as I want it?
Or will it just bring the hurt back again?

I can even believe that I write this.
In spite of my smiling face, I still need that love
Love that can make me woke up every morning
Love that can make me rest easily
Love that can make my heart beat twice faster

Where is the love?
Could I ever find it again?
Where are you hiding?
Are you near?
Or are you far?
Are you seeing me right now?
Are you reading my blogs?

Where are you?
Could I have the chance to meet you again?

My ideas of my perfect man

Several days ago, I was asked what kind of man is my perfect man. Well, of course I have a lot of criteria of my perfect man; this is the summary of it.

1. My perfect man should be sincere, honest and love me. That is the first and the most important criteria. I don’t really care about that man education, job, wealth, appearance etc. the most important thing to me is he can show that he loves me with sincere and honest words. :D

2. My perfect man should able to accept my flaws and be there for me when I need him. I know that I’m not perfect.. far than perfect. And my perfect man should able to cope with my flaws and accept it as it is. Don’t try to change me please, because I love my self and I’m not ready to change.

3. I’m able to accept his flaws. My perfect man is not perfect too. He will have flaws and I should be able to accept it. I think I can tolerate people flaws as long as it is not against my idealism. I also think that it is hard to hope other people change. That’s why I should be able to accept his flaws.

That three simple things is the basic criteria of my perfect man. It may not be perfect to others but it is perfect to me, and I know that perfect man is somewhere out there ... :D (just like Fox Mulder always says: the truth is out there ...)

Relief….

It is a relief to know that finally I finished my term 1 and pass the minimum requirement for every subject. I got A- in my decision support and optimization class (which is my depth course and it is required to get A-), and get A- and B for the other subjects. I know that I can do better if I gave more time to study but right now I often distracted and lazy to study. What happening to me?? Is it true that if we grow older we become more lazy and hard to study?

Wow, hopefully not. I will do my best in my second term. I will minimize the distraction and my laziness. Hopefully in the second term I can get a better score.

Worry Feeling

I feel worry today, thanks to my friend. He said that it will be embarrassing if I don’t pass my subject with minimum requirement and get kick out from school. I know that I will feel embarrassed and disappointed if I failed but … what else I can do?? I already try hard for this subject and I don’t know what else to do.

I think the result will be announced tomorrow. Still hope that I could get the minimum requirement. I don’t feel confident because I know that I didn’t do very well. But the result has not come up yet .. so should I be worry? Or should I be worry tomorrow?

End of first Term

Finally, just submitted my last assignment for this term.
Its time to relax and enjoy a little bit of vacation.
But, I don't know what to do next?
Getting ready for the second term?
Or just browsing, chatting, watching and do useless things?
For today, just enjoying browsing, chatting, and watching
and gossiping.

Finally... the end of first term.
What torture will I endure in my next term??

No more exams for this year.

Just finished my last exam.. (for this term) ….. yipieee… no more exam for this term. Finally, I came to the end of term. Just have to refine one more term paper and that’s all. I don’t know what the result are .. but hopefully it is enough for the minimum requirements. I don’t expect to get A, I will settle with the minimum requirements. Why? Because I don’t think I give my best to all the subjects. I still can do better then that but my laziness is keeping me. I should be more diligent for the next term. I should be better ….

Is he sincere or not?

Lately a friend is offering to help me in something but I just keep get the feeling that he is not really sincere to help me. I think he want to help me because he can get something out of it. I don’t know why, I keep feeling it. And he is really started to annoy me. I’m keep thinking what’s in it for him. Why is he willing to help me? I don’t believe he help me because he want it to, just keep getting the feeling that he only used me. I can figure out what the purpose is but am I to suspicious?

I have many friends and often get help from them. A lot. My best friend even loan me money to pay my bond to my previous company and I don’t feel suspicious about it. But with him, I don’t know why I got suspicious. Am I too exaggerating? Or this is my conscious that telling me to be careful?

He often said that he did it to help me and it will help my future. I just want to say, let me worry about my future my self, I don’t need you to worry about it. I don’t think that he understand about me and my future. I can not say no to him because I think it will be impolite to reject such a lovely help. But I just can get rid of the feeling. Why? Am I to suspicious?

Overslept

Lately, I always overslept. Yesterday I slept all day. Just wake up to eat dinner and then slept again. I also overslept on Sunday. I only woke up to go to the cinema to watch “Body of Lies”. Even thought, I had exam the next day, I didn’t have the willingness to wake up. What happening to me??

I need a reason to wake up every day. I need a reason to stop dreaming and start living.. what happen to me??

Are their problems my problems?

I sometime wonder, whether my parents or my brother and sisters problems are my problems too. Sometime their problems are nagging me. I know that we have to fight our own wars. And my wars are definitely different from their wars, but sometime I get carried away with their problems too. Is it wrong? Or am I fuss about other people businesses?

As a family member, I will try the best that I can to help their problems. But what if the problems are too much for me? And I still have to solve my own problems. Should I just not interfere and let them solve their own problems? Just watch and see they solve their own problems, is it the best things to do?

For now, I will consider their problems are their problems. I don’t have to interfere. I will help as much as I can, but that’s it. They have to try to solve it on their own. Problems are what make us learn about life. Right? We have to have problems in our life in order to improve and see the beauty of life. Is it wrong?

In my search of Happiness

What make your life valuable? Is it the dress that you wore, the food that you eat, the house that you life, the parent that you have, the spouse that you can hold, the education that you take, the money in your pocket, the book that you read, or what?

What make your life valuable? I feel prettier when I am wearing a good dress. I feel delight eating delicious food. I feel comfortable living in a cozy house. I feel grateful having good parents that never questions me and order me what to do. I feel thankful having brother and sisters that support me when I’m down. I feel happy having friends that can accompany me. Even thought I don’t have any spouse right now, I know that I will feel cheerful to have person that I can share all my laughs and cries. I feel proud having a good education. I feel secure having money in my pocket. I feel excited reading my books and watching my movies.

So, what make my life valuable?? Is it all those things above? I don’t think so. I think what make my life valuable is when I can do small good things every day. It is so clichéd. I know that. But right now, that is what I feel :D. So, lets make small good things everyday.

The story of my career

I started my career very early. Because I was one of students which got scholarship from Bina Nusantara University (BINUS) under career scholarship program, I had an obligation to work at BINUS from the first day of my undergraduate study until 2n+1 years after I graduated. Value of n here is the number of years that I need to complete my undergraduate study.

I started my career as an administration staff at EDP department, BINUS in September 2000. Now, EDP department is not exists anymore, it was merge with other IT departments. My duties more or less just arranged mails and documents, especially ISO documents, since BINUS already hold ISO 9001 certification. Sometime I helped my colleges to input data to computer and do simple query to extract the data. That’s it, just that simple. It was a boring job, but it gave me plenty of time to focus on my study and learn other things.

Realizing my potential, my boss, at the time, told me to learn Visual Basic 6, MS SQL server 1997 and Crystal Report. He even asked one of his programmers to give me training about it. So, I started to learn programming language and applied it in several simple forms. And not so long after, I forgot the exact date; I was promoted to be a programmer. It was a bit of improvement.

I worked my days as a programmer until Dec 2002. During those times, I involved in several projects using Visual Basic 6, MS SQL server 1997 and Crystal Report. My main responsibilities were to encode, test, debug, and install program systems or application that was being used in BINUS. I hardly remember the applications, but I think one of it is the early stage of admission application and library system.

At January 2003, I got promoted again. I was promoted to be a system analyst. The duties were pretty much the same from previous position, but in this position, there were additional tasks that I must do. As a system analyst, I had to analyze and design applications to fulfill user’s requirements. It was kind of challenging tasks, because in BINUS, users requirements changed rapidly. I can not really blame the users for changing the requirements because the requirements had to change to adapt to the real world situations and conditions. I learnt a lot of things during my time as system analyst not only in analyze and design application technique but also in business processes. I worked as system analyst for almost 4 years before I got another promotion. I finished both my undergraduate and graduate study during that time. I also managed to pass CISA exam with a very tight passing score.

At December 2007, I started my career as a Project Leader. I found that job was interesting and quite tricky to do. My main duties were to planning, monitoring, and controlling projects, while still helping to do analyze and design applications. I often had to negotiate the projects schedule with my users and control the quality of my projects. For me, the most interesting thing in working as Project Leader was how to communicate with users and the rest of the team. I think my patience and communication skill was improved during these times. Sadly, I become project leader just for a very short time. At July 2008, I resigned from BINUS and went to Singapore to continue my study.

Right now, I am just a PhD student. But I’m sure in the future, I will find other jobs that can be more challenging and exciting then I was have before. Still looking for the next best things to come.

Volunteering Experience

From Friday to Sunday, I was volunteering for Ajahn Bram talks and seminars organized by Buddhist Fellowship. I never did volunteering before, and these 3 days really a good time for me. I gained experiences that I never had before. Even thought I helped as an usher to direct people to the talks and seminars place and had to stand the whole time, I didn’t find those as boring or tiring jobs. I enjoy every second of it.

I enjoy greeting and smiling to people and show them the way.
I enjoy working with my IC and others usher.
I enjoy being a part of the events.
I event enjoy eating the vegetarian food.

And the most enjoyable and exciting thing is I was able to meet Ajahn Bram. I never met or heard his talks and seminars before. I only know him from books that he wrote. Listening his talks and seminars directly is more enjoyable than reading his book and not everyday that I have the opportunity to listening his talks. I also had the opportunity to take a picture with him.

So, the conclusion is, I have a good time these past 3 days. Even thought the volunteering is tiring, the enjoyment is much greater than that.

Exam Sucks...

I hate exam.
Especially if I didn't do good in that Exam.
My two exam so far didn't make me satisfied. I think I didn't do good in those exam. I only manage to did half of it right (50%, give and take 20 %). Cant wait to see the result. Hopefully I still can smile after receive the result.

But, I still have one other exam. So, must fight ... don't give up. Study .. and fight for this last mid term ....

My Series of Events in Singapore


Bukit Timah - 08-Aug-2008


Fireworks - Sing's National Day - 08-Aug-2008


After Youth Symposium - 24-Aug-2008


IPA Inauguration - 30-Aug-2008


Helda's B'Day -3-Sept-2008


Chinese Garden - Lantern Festival - 5-Sept-2008


Night View - 13-Sept-2008


Vivo - 29-Sept-2008


Ko Meng San Temple - 30-Sept-2008


Ladies Day Out - 30-Sept-2008


Sungei Buloh - 11-Oct-2008


Botanical Garden - 14-Oct-2008

Thank you note

There are a lot of people that I want to say thanks to. I would not be like this without them. But today, I want to say special thanks to my dear friend HS. Because of our small talk yesterday afternoon I remember again my goal in life (the goal that I almost forgot because of all the tension lately).

Several days or weeks ago, I was really depressed because of my studies. I thought I chose a wrong path and a wrong research field because AI was definitely not my thing. Even thought I tried to smile and look like everything ok, but deep inside I felt depress and started to question my decision to take this PhD. Bad result in my previous two assignments added my depressed feeling.

But yesterday, somehow, after our small talk (which not even discuss my depression), I re-found my goal in life which I have forgotten for a very long time. I re-found that my goal in life is to learn new things everyday and enjoying every process of it. I re-found that I should not just stuck to the result (such as result assignment), but enjoying every processes of it. So what if I got a bad mark? The most important things are I learn something new and I learn not to make the same mistake again. I re-found my passion to enter the PhD. I re-found that I want to take PhD because I want to learn new things and yes, by taking PhD I learn new things (a lot of new things).

So, from yesterday and so on, I will enjoy my process of learning. Not just learning from books but also learning from others. I will enjoy it and do as best as I can to learn and implement it and will not worry too much about the results. Bad or good results is always the opportunity to learn again right?

So, thank you dear friend. And if somehow I forget about my goal, please remind me again.

Me ... at SMU ...

It will be my place to study for about 3 to 4 years...


SMU ... School of Information System


SMU ... School of Information System 2


The Direction Sign


The Bodhi Tree

Close..


Close has a relative meaning. One people can say something is close and the other says it is far. In term of relationship and friendships, how can we describe close relationships? How can we differentiate close as a friend or close as a couple? When a friend tries to be more close then just a friend, what are the signals??

While I try to find the answer, this is a lyric of song which title is “Close to You”

----------
Why do birds
Suddenly appear?
Everytime you are near
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

Why do stars
Fall down from the sky?
Everytime you walk by
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

(*) On the day that you were born
The angels got together and decided
To create a dream come true
So they sprinkled moondust in your hair
Of gold and starlight in your eyes of blue

(**) That is why all the girls in town
Follow you all around
Just like me
They long to be
Close to you

Just like me
They long to be
Close to you


Woo... Close to you...

Can easily fall in love? Is it a bad thing or a good thing??

I’m still trying to answer that. From my past experience, “can easily fall in love” give you a couple of advantages, namely: you are able to find good things in every one, you make your life cheerful and you can forget bad experience fast. But the disadvantages are also quite a lot. One of disadvantages is you can experience a lot of pain from broken heart. One said: If you are daring to love then you should dare to loose or to be rejected. And by easily fall in love, this feeling will always hunt you. It is not a good feeling. It is a terrible one. Other disadvantage is people will think that you too ease to catch because with just a little affection you will fall in love.


Still don’t know weather “can easily fall in love” is a bad thing or good thing. 